An important bathroom philosophy

Have you ever been in one of those nice bathrooms? Like when you go into a fancy shmancy restaurant or an over the top club and the bathrooms are like wow! I saw one once with rocks in the sink! And another with cologne you can spray on yourself, just in case you forgot yours. Unfortunately, I have also been on the other side of the spectrum. The dirty side *shutters*. In fact, just the other day, I was pumping some iron, you know, the usual, and I had to pee, bad. Did you know that running is a natural laxative? So are pineapples. Anyway, I walk into this bathroom and lo and behold, as I'm standing at the urinal, I look down and discover a big yellow stain on the floor next to my foot. I was hoping it was a stain and not wet because I hate stepping in someone else's urine. Am I alone? So now I'm thinking, "ok, whose weird yellow stain is this and how did it get here?" It creeped my out and I left feeling dirty, even though I washed my hands.

Another time, I was actually in an airplane and was sitting on something that one can barely call a toilet. Well, it turned out that the entire floor was wet and my shorts were soaking it all up. Oops. I guess I'll just have to walk back to my seat with soaking wet shorts. I wonder what people will think. "wasn't that boy just in the bathroom?" "what did he do in there?" "why are his shorts all wet?"

Alas, even though there are things that can ruin my bathroom experience, there are always the times when some stranger can lift my spirits by casually ripping a gigantic, juicy fart. I'm 24 years old, but I can't help but laugh and forget about all my troubles. Thank you anonymous farting guy.