lazy halloween

I never really have a good excuse to buy candy except for Halloween. Actually, I mean after Halloween. You know, when everything goes on sale and instead of accumulating candy going door to door, you can just buy the stuff you know you like. In that way, trick or treating is sort of a risk, but the pro (and this is a big pro) is that it's free, and this is the factor that convinces people. Except for a little unspoken rule about trick or treating is that "you can't trick or treat if you're too old." It's lame for me cause I'm in that "too old" category now and if I go trick or treating by myself or with a friend, it may be awkward and people might not even give me candy. Now, there is a loophole to this. It's acceptable to go trick or treating if you are bringing a kid with you, which I don't have. So for me, since I'm lazy and don't feel like begging for free candy, I'm going to do the next best thing--buy really cheap candy at the store. I feel weird for doing it. first, I would be buying like three bags of candy, not for sharing, but just for me. Like some sort of candy fiend. But if buying a buttload of candy after Halloween is wrong then I don't want to be right.

My ocean experience

After three long years, I finally received the privilege of revisiting the west coast of Oregon. The first time, of course being when I went with my loyal college comrades to beautiful Seaside. This year, it was with a group from church going to Yachats (pronounced YAH-HAUTS). Tonight, we decided after a thrilling game of hide and seek, that we were going to go down to the ocean and walk around in the water. Well, I may not be very familiar with waves, but I realized that they are very fast and wet. I found myself daringly walking on my very way toward China or maybe just Hawaii for this night. about five steps into the trecherous waters, I'm impaled with a demanding wave that wanted my very soul. It came upon me with such a thrash and with such watery splashiness, that I was wet almost up to my waist. I guess I just didn't really expect it, but just for an extra precaution, I rolled up my jacket up to my armpits (it was a decent jacket that I didn't want too wet, ok?). I was now prepared for a wave of any size to seize it's territory on my legs and maybe up to my waist or belly button, until one certain wave came. I called it the widow-maker. The hero of the wave society, if such a thing exists. Once I encountered it, I stumbled back a couple inches and became completely frozen from the waist down. And I mean COMPLETELY frozen from the WAIST down. ee gad! from that point, I considered myself defeated and retreated back to the ocean-side cabin walking like I'd crapped my pants. (I didn't)

Get ripped

I saw an ad on facebook the other day for getting ripped. I don't know who gets the money when I click on the ad, but I think they've finally broke through to me. I decided to click on it and it brought me to a person's blog who evidently tried the program and successfully chiseled himself. I checked out what the program required and I found a couple of iffy supplements and a crazy, but somewhat reasonable workout regime that advertised itself as the "300 workout." I remember when 300 came out and a lot of my male friends continually commented on how buff and ripped the Spartans were. I'll admit, they are definitely muscular. I've always wanted to be ripped. I think most guys wouldn't mind having fierce abs and rippling muscles with minimal body fat and We, as guys, feel as if girls will stare at us and drool over us if we have ripped muscles. I suppose it's fairly vane, but maybe it's true. Maybe girls are rather attracted to it. Or maybe when a girl is attracted to a guy, the guy figures its for his rugged good looks, but in reality, maybe it's because the girl respects him and feels like he cares about her as a person or makes her feel special. I'm not quite sure and do not feel like getting psychoanalytical about it right now. After all this thought, I still feel like I want to get ripped and look like one of those guys in the ad. Alas, I'm poor right now and can't afford whatever they are selling in order to accomplish the rippage.

smelly guy

I know what B.O. smells like and I know it when I smell it. In fact, I have years of experience with this sort of smell dating back to early childhood education when I sat by the smelly kid in class, all the way to college when I daringly took a whiff of a friend's aged sweaty hockey bag. From these experiences, I believe my nose is acutely sensitive to stank body odor and for some reason, I can usually tell who it's coming from. This time was no exeption. I walked out of the office to start heading home, keys in hand, when a gentleman on his bicycle was riding by and stopped at the house next door to see his friend, I presume. I remember I got halfway to my car and sensed the worst B.O. I have ever smelled. I was confused, uncomfortable, and not quite in the mood for any food anymore. "Where is this smell coming from?" I thought to myself with a sour look on my face, "and why does it smell so bad?" I wondered why it was so strong because I was outside on a cold afternoon and would normally assume that the atmosphere would just cause it to dissipate upward. I guess I was wrong because it still smelled and the guy was still talking to his friend. I will always think it strange why the man smelled so bad (he was about twenty feet away from me). It was like one of those stories that no one believes whenever you tell it, like if I saw bigfoot or a leprechaun. Maybe you won't believe me, but I'm a believer of the extremely smelly person.

An important bathroom philosophy

Have you ever been in one of those nice bathrooms? Like when you go into a fancy shmancy restaurant or an over the top club and the bathrooms are like wow! I saw one once with rocks in the sink! And another with cologne you can spray on yourself, just in case you forgot yours. Unfortunately, I have also been on the other side of the spectrum. The dirty side *shutters*. In fact, just the other day, I was pumping some iron, you know, the usual, and I had to pee, bad. Did you know that running is a natural laxative? So are pineapples. Anyway, I walk into this bathroom and lo and behold, as I'm standing at the urinal, I look down and discover a big yellow stain on the floor next to my foot. I was hoping it was a stain and not wet because I hate stepping in someone else's urine. Am I alone? So now I'm thinking, "ok, whose weird yellow stain is this and how did it get here?" It creeped my out and I left feeling dirty, even though I washed my hands.

Another time, I was actually in an airplane and was sitting on something that one can barely call a toilet. Well, it turned out that the entire floor was wet and my shorts were soaking it all up. Oops. I guess I'll just have to walk back to my seat with soaking wet shorts. I wonder what people will think. "wasn't that boy just in the bathroom?" "what did he do in there?" "why are his shorts all wet?"

Alas, even though there are things that can ruin my bathroom experience, there are always the times when some stranger can lift my spirits by casually ripping a gigantic, juicy fart. I'm 24 years old, but I can't help but laugh and forget about all my troubles. Thank you anonymous farting guy.

lamenting and rejoycing

Sometimes you just have to smash an old melon, as the saying goes. Today Kevin was cleaning out the fridge at our humble church office. I knew there was an old cantelope in there from who knows when. I didn't know whose it was so I didn't eat it. I was really sad to hear that it had gone rotten. Sigh, I perfectly good cantelope gone to waste. But not quite yet! There is one last thing this cantelope could do to fulfill it's destiny and bring honor to it's family. It was a thing that Kevin thought up and that I strongly agreed with (and that Christine strongly did not). Two against one in favor of hurling the sad old melon into the cold concrete. It was cold after all. It was the first day that Autumn decided to show it's true colors and bring our afternoon to a crisp cool climax. So I became Kevin's sidekick for a while and cheered him on while he destroyed the despecible sight. Now I hope it's in heaven enjoying all the "fruits" of it labor. har har.